The anniversary is coming up. I'm not sure exactly how I feel about that. It's really strange to think that one year ago I was on the brink of death. It makes me reflect on the past year of my life, and about the day I found out that I had to leave home. It's so difficult to imagine myself being that far gone...that insane. It was at this time one year ago that my body was in the middle of the worst beating it will probably ever receive. The constant paranoia about whether I would get caught as I silently tossed food in the trash. The guilt I felt as I watched my parents suffer. The isolation I felt from all my friends and peers. Things are so different now....I guess that's one thing that I like to look at. I like to see how far I've come since those days. I can't remember the last time I threw out food. I can exercise now without the constant pain of being pushed beyond my limits. I have enough energy to focus in class and walk around campus. It's a wonderful feeling...to actually hear the weight of your body against a stair that creaks when before it remained silent. To know that you actually have a presence. I have more room in my head to think about other aspects of my life that don't revolve around food, body image, or deception. I hate to say it, but there are good things that came out of that whole ordeal. I learned a lot about myself and what's really important in life. I've learned to focus so much less on school and turned more attention to other aspects, such as having fun and getting to know the people around you. In no way am I thankful for what I went through, but I am thankful for the appreciation it gave me for the life I have. So I guess all I have to say is thanks. I mean it.
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